2009 JBC #4 - What I'm good at

So the journalling prompt this week is "What I'm Good At", well if you don't want to read a downer post - skip this one. I generally like to keep my posts positive and my thoughts to myself, but I need to get this one out of my head.
What am I good at? Failing, yep I feel like I fail at everything.
Today I failed one of my modules I'm studying- why? Because I admit I missed a couple of points on one of the assignments, no biggy. The big reason I failed, and why I will fail every other module I hand in is - because I'm on maternity leave. Yep, the company I work for have decided that I can't pass because I'm on maternity leave. Never mind the fact that everything I do is signed off by my director as competent, and I prove every day that I work that I can do this stuff - well it's not good enough, which means I can't finish my Diploma, which means I personally want to give up and walk away. It's not worth the stress and worry. I'll just go back to being an assistant, and enjoy my job without all the paperwork.
I feel like I fail at so many things, being a good mother, wife, friend. I hate studying and try my best to get things right, but right now I feel like I'm too stupid to continue. I was never that bright at school - oh I passed alright, but no honours or A+, I'm just average Jo trying to make my way.
I guess that's why I like scrapping, cause I can do that. I love scrapping and making others happy - I should just stick with what I know and leave all the academic stuff to people who are smart.
Sorry - I'll post something more uplifting tomorrow, I promise.


Tali G said...

Why are they failing you because you are maternity leave? That is just wrong. I think you are much more than that. Hang in there girl it is worth it and if you are being proven competent when you return after maternity leave you can force them to regrade your stuff and prove they failed you for the wrong reasons, I am sure.

{{hugs}} to you...and you are a wonderful mother just look at how wonderfully happy those girls are.

Ashley said...

That's wicked evil that they fail you because you're on maternity leave! That's just beyond not fair. Isn't there like a higher up you can talk to that'll help you out?

{{hugs}} just because you need them!

Mommy2Liam said...

Hey girl,

First off, I am so sorry that your company is giving you a hard time. You should not be penalized, because you are on maternity leave, and I am pretty sure there are laws that make that illegal.

Seriously, you shouldn't stress about grades in school. I am an absolute perfectionist. I once made a B on a test and cried for so many hours (long story about a strick asian dad who was very hard on me when it came to school). Anyways, the point is that it doesn't matter what your grades are in the end. All that matters is if you pass or fail in the course. A laywer who makes a C in law school will still make money practicing law as the lawyer who makes an A.

Now that I have my child, I am tired of stressing over grades. I might even make a B in a class this semester and I really don't care if it ruins my 4.0 GPA. In the end, it is not gonna matter if you made A's or C's in school, because no one is really going to care. That sucks for all of us OCD people who have to make A's, but it is the truth. Personality, ethics, honesty, humility, and hard work are far more important than any grade you will make in school. Not only that, being book smart doesn't make you "smart."

I hope that made you feel better, if not, I just posted a blog on your page, lol.